Yesterday I was at my local supermarket buying a large pack of Pedigree dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog?
What did she think I had? An elephant??
So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, that I was starting the Pedigree Diet again.
I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in hospital last time, but I'd lost 20 kilos before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Pedigree nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry.
The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. Just one irritant , my one leg goes up involuntarily whenever I come across a lamp post and any parked car.
(I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.
I told her no, I stepped off the pavement to sniff a Labrador's arse and a car hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack ....because he was laughing so hard.
I'm now banned from entering my supermarket!
Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of daft things to say.
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