*Interesting Insight*
My mom wanted to send me homemade pickles. *But I said NO.*
I was 27, living in New York, working on Wall Street. I didn't need pickles shipped across the world. The shipping would cost more than buying them here.
Three years later, I read the psychologist take on what I'd actually done.
*When you reject someone's offer to help, you're not just declining assistance. You're declining their need to matter to you!*
Benjamin Franklin figured this out in 1736. He had a rival in the Pennsylvania legislature who hated him. Instead of trying to win him over with favors, Franklin asked the rival to lend him a rare book.
The rival agreed. They became lifelong friends.
*It's called the Ben Franklin effect.*
When people do something for you, they convince themselves they must like you. Otherwise, why would they help?
My mom didn't want to send pickles because I needed them.
She wanted to send them because SHE needed to feel useful to me. To feel like despite the ocean between us, she still had a role in my life.
Every time I said "I'll manage," I was taking that away from her.
Here's what I learned after a decade of living away from home: *→ Accepting small favors isn't about you needing help. It's about letting people you love feel needed.
Your dad wants to transfer ₹5000 even though you earn well?
*Let him.*
Your friend wants to pick you up from the airport even though Uber exists?
*Say yes.*
Your partner wants to make you tea even though you can make it yourself?
*Accept it.*
*The people who love you don't want to solve your big problems. They want to matter in your small moments.
*Let them* ……*
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